I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
