I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
well you can't waste a boner
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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