she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
