There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
