Someone shit on the floor
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
