I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
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