I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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