im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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