I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
