she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Church boner. Awkwardddd
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
