youre lurking in front of me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
