Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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