he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
