im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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