i think my tv is drunk
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He passed out mid-signature
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
