Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.