The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My bed is full of blood and feathers
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yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake