so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize