i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
