I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
