the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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