I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Someone signed my nipple.
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