i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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