I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
