Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
