You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
