break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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