Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
