xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
