i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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