she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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