Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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