When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
