she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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