I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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