go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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