Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
