No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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