Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
