Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
