Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
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He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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