Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
