When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
