so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
