we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
