Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize