I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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