Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
