Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
