So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
