You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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