living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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