I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
