i always forget guys have bellybuttons
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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