So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
