1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
