He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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