My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
