actually, I'm a sock model
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
