Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
