he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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