Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
