so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
